I REALLY WANTED TO LIKE THIS ONE
Like Dial of Destiny, my feelings about seeing this movie were all over the map. At first, I had no desire to see this flic, primarily because I’m not a fan of Barbie, and, I heard from conservative talk shows that it was woke, and really not worth my time. But, ironically, the more conservatives criticized this movie, the more I wanted to see it. They were wrong about Indiana Jones: Dial of Destiny being a tool for the woke mob, so I thought, “More than likely, they are wrong about Barbie.” The last installment of Indiana Jones was really good.
And you guessed it, I plunked down a fat twenty, convinced Pitmaster Keith to see it with me, and well – we both came out of the theaters with the same feeling. It was pretty bad. The conservative pundits were right.
The best part of the movie was getting to see Margot Robbie for two hours, who is truly a modern-day definition of beauty.
So, what the hell went wrong? I’ll tell you. SPOILER ALERT!!
BAD WRITING, BAD DIRECTING
Greta Gerwig is an accomplished director, writer, and actress, who is best known for film, Lady Bird, that is a great coming-of-age movie, and worth a watch.
According to Greta and the producer, Robbie Brenner, Barbie is “Certainly a Feminist Film” but to be honest, that message was not executed very well. Especially if Greta’s agenda was to glorify feminism.
So, what is Barbie about, in a quick nutshell?
Well, Blond Barbie, which is the OG Barbie, Margo Robbie “Thee Barbie,” wakes up one day questioning her existence, her purpose, her place in the world (sigh, typical Type 4 – again). Apparently, she is connecting with her owner, with some magical power that isn’t explained, and never explained. And apparently, her connection with the child that played with her, has somehow created a rift between the fictional world of Barbieland, and the real world of us. Barbie eventually decides to voyage to the real world to meet her troubled child, and she does this by traveling through car, jet ski, camping, then rollerblading, much of which is not explained, and ends up in Venice Beach, California. And then, the plot thickens from there.
Now, in summary, this sounds like a very interesting premise for a movie. But, because Greta had an ultra-feminist agenda, which was anti-male, she failed when it came to making a lot of commonsense writing decisions. For example, Greta decided to mock, and emasculate, every single male character in this movie, turning them into a ludicrous excuse to exist in this world. There is no doubt misogyny and sexism roam, and it’s extremely ugly and unfair – but she didn’t take misogyny or sexism seriously. Ken, the all male Board of Directors of Mattel, they weren’t misogynists or sexists, their characters were equivalent to the Three Stooges.
If Greta wants to tackle a serious issue, such as sexism or misogyny, she should have done it seriously, instead of creating a movie that was against COMICAL men.
Let’s take a sidebar and talk about sexism and misogyny – I have an extremely beautiful friend who finds it horribly difficult for her to do business because married men always want to date her, instead of just trying to close a legit business deal. I’ve been in Christian fellowship groups geared only toward businessmen, where I listened to a businessman struggle with his natural sexual inhibitions to sleep with his beautiful secretary. His solution was not to promote her, so he could keep fantasizing about her. Men love beautiful women, there’s no doubt about it, and very beautiful women, can make good men act like idiots. My stories are not unique. I’m sure Greta has these stories. Why not put these stories in Barbie? It would be a good warning to young girls to be careful about men who have alternative motives.
Let’s put on our rewriter/screenwriter hat – in comes real-life Barbie to Mattel, who is drop-dead gorgeous, and not one man on the board of directors is attracted to her. They don’t look at her legs, her chest, her body. Not one tries to date her! Not one tries to be smooth or tries to take advantage of her innocence. Why? That happens in real life, ALL THE TIME. Why not make Barbie aware of her beauty? And she realizes how much of a weapon that actually is in the real world. That with a wink and a smile, she can make men do anything.
Keep that rewriter/screenwriter cap on – Barbie and Ken, appear in our world. Think about that. Meditate on that. That is an interesting premise. What if Ken actually became a real-life model, maybe an influencer, and then a real-life celebrity, and was no longer interested in Barbie anymore as he had many women around him? He became shallow, and treated Barbie the way she treated him when he was just Ken? And somehow, in the end, they would try to claw their way back to each other, and realize, they really just need to abandon all agendas, to live together happily ever after.
This director missed so many opportunities. She literally swung at air and delivered a weak and dishonest script.
What did we get in the rest of this story, other than strikeouts? Not so funny slapstick comedy, a musical fight scene, and a story with no clear antagonist. We also got a lot of magic in this movie, with no explanation.
SO, WHO’S THE ANTAGONIST?
I believe if you asked Greta, the director and writer of this movie, this question, she would probably say – THE MEN! The men were the bad guys, and, Barbie was the protagonist!!
But the Kens, and the Board of Directors of Mattel, were not driving the story, or throwing a crowbar into Barbie’s world. The truth is, that Barbie and the Barbies, and Barbieland, were the ultimate antagonists.
When the movie starts, we find that all the Kens in Barbieland don’t have any real job, other than to want Barbies. And Barbies treat all of their Kens, like crap. They don’t care about their well-being. They treat men, like superficial objects. They kept men down, they kept men homeless. Barbieland wasn’t only a feministland, it was Misandryland. Misandry, if you don’t know, is the practice of the hate, and contempt of men.
It was Barbie who decided to come into our world, and to throw a crowbar into the lives which she shouldn’t have. That is the action of an antagonist. And let’s talk about the ending. While the Kens did take over Barbieland for a short amount of time, and reversed the roles of empowerment, all the Barbies wanted was their feminism back. And by the end of the movie, they got it. And once again, the Kens were homeless, and powerless, and had no other job other than to be next to the Barbies.
So here’s the kicker that throws a wrench into Greta’s world of Feminismland.
Barbie realizes that she wants no part in this feminist world, so she decides to walk away from Barbieland, and into our real world, apparently the male patriarch world, permanently. The sequel to Barbie may be a better, more honest movie, than the first.
Barbie walked away from feminism. Her character growth as an antagonist was not to be a feminist. I’m not sure if Greta wanted this.
THE ONLY BRIGHT SPOT
The casting and the acting were great. Margot Robbie is Barbie, for all I’m concerned. She can play a crazy killer and a real-life children’s doll. I’m not sure who else could have played Barbie. And Ryan Gosling was a great Ken. The whole cast was great. It’s pretty sad that these talented actors and actresses weren’t used to create something special.
LAST THOUGHTS
A lot of the comedy in this movie didn’t work for me. I love comedy. I’m a fan of Naked Gun, Airplane, Futurama, The Simpsons, South Park, Brickeberry, and my favorite Paradise PD. Laughing is an awesome hobby of mine. But, I didn’t laugh as much as I acted to. The comedic timing was off. It felt forced. It wasn’t real.
There’s been a lot of political commentary surrounding Barbie. Is it woke? Is there a progressive agenda here? Oh definitely. But the director fails miserably at glorifying it. There is a transgender Barbie in here that I didn’t notice, but Pitmaster Keith did. Apparently, a transgender said, “Hey Barbie” in a real manly voice, which made him notice there was Barbie dude in here. Why Mattel chose to put a transgender in children’s movies? I don’t know. You can go down the rabbit hole on that one.
Should you see it? I dunno. It’s a great example of how not to do a movie. It is fun? So-so. Safe for kids? That tranny thing is so subtle, even I didn’t notice it, but if you don’t want your kids exposed to that, I would pass. Is it entertaining..there were too many misses for this to be a great movie.
GRADE: F
Steve Young
