2023 MOVIE REVIEWS

2023 YEAR OF THE BAD MOVIES

Where have all the good movies gone? Do you remember Moviepass? I was one of the original subscribers, and I paid a whopping $50 a month to see all the movies I wanted. It was worth it back then because the movies were actually halfway decent. These days, it’s hard to find great movies. In fact, I saw more crappy movies than good ones, than any year before.

GRADE A MOVIES

Quiz Lady, No Hard Feelings, and the last installment of Indiana Jones, got an A from me. They were tightly written, honest, and had a lot of heart. Indian Jones was very surprising, as I walked into that theater with a predetermination that it was going to suck goat farts, but it didn’t.

GRADE B-C MOVIES

The Creator, Guardians, Joy Ride, and streaming show Special Ops: Lioness, got an average grade from me. Special Ops: Lioness is an episodic series on Paramount Plus. I guess these are considered TV shows, but I beg to differ. TV shows have commercials, are usually written in 7 acts, and do not star movie actors. Plus, their budgets are huge, compared to TV shows. These are literally episodic movies, which is why I review them.

GRADE D-F MOVIES

A lot of the movies that I graded as absolute failures, the mainstream reviewers thought absolutely different. Godzilla Minus One was so bad that I fell asleep three times. Leave the World Behind was cheesy and stupid. Barbie was an embarrassing example of storytelling. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse was an absolute mess, both visually and storywise. Ant-Man and Wasp: Quantaumania was nothing but an excuse to weave jokes together.