WHAT’S UNDER THE HOOD?
Type Twos are the compulsive givers of the Enneagram. Their choice of engine doesn’t matter, as long as it’s powerful enough to tow their trailer of love. Generosity powers their motor, playing savior – is their nitrous.
The hospitality of a Two is free. But when they are not at their best, there is a fee. Sacrifices don’t come cheap. Favors often require payback. Charity comes with a string attached.
KEY INGREDIENTS OF A TYPE TWO “HELPER”
- Compulsively generous to the point where it is very noticeable
- Can be very sacrificial in their giving
- May hold a grudge if giving is not returned
- has a habit of using their generosity to leverage others
WHAT’S THEIR AGENDA?
This may sound like a sad love story, but many these personalities compulsively help, so they can eventually bargain for love or acceptance. But many deal with their inner conflicts by giving more. So, if they are having problems with themselves, they may actually feel the need to sacrifice more.
WHAT ARE THEIR GREATEST FEARS?
Type Twos have a fear of being useless, unloved and unwanted, therefore they compulsively give to gain acceptance.
THEIR IMMEDIATE DEFENSE
When a Type Two is triggered, they immediately will begin to bargain for affection. They may also measure affection in terms of works rather than commitment.
WHO ARE THE TYPE TWOS IN THE REAL WORLD?
Type Two’s have a “generosity itch” to scratch. Because their giving has completely nothing to do with their image, they are hard to spot on a whim. But you’ll know a Type Two when you run into one, trust me on that. Have you ever thought a person may be “too generous” to be genuine? Chances are, they are type Two.
And don’t get me wrong. It’s not as if a Type two isn’t genuine. They actually are. They want to help. They want to sacrifice. And if they don’t, they feel useless.
I would place a bet that Mother Teresa would probably be a H
The other week I met an Average Type Two. A couple of young Mormon missionaries greeted me in my driveway while I was washing my car. Both were very nice kids. One of them offered to wash my car and mow my lawn. Boy, was I tempted with their offer! My natural cynical mind told me that if I accepted his help, there would probably be a catch 22
I asked, “If you mow my lawn, you’ll want me to listen to you preach about Joseph Smith, right?”
He smiled back a You got me.
That missionary had his lasso swinging, and was ready to rope me in. Typical actions of an Average Type Two. Good thing I passed.
Muhammad Ali always cared, always wanted to help.
I would consider Muhammad Ali a Type Two with a strong Three Wing in his 20’s (you’ll learn about Three’s next, but they are your charismatic achievers on the Enneagram). When Ali was in his 20’s and was occupied with success, he definitely was a talker, but he still picked up many causes. Later in his life, he abandoned much of his
WHAT IS THEIR SPIRIT ANIMAL?
I can’t think of a better example other than a worker bee. Those bees are there to build a hive with no questions asked. They follow orders well, protect the queen, and do their job. If you’re thinking Type Twos make great assistants or partners in crime, you’re right! Looking for a team player? Look no further than a healthy Type Two. Look for a worker bee!
FICTIONAL EXAMPLES
Robin, aka The Boy Wonder, aka Dick Grayson, aka Batman’s loyal sidekick, is a Type Two. When Dick Grayson’s family was killed by a powerful crime syndicate, Batman adopted him and eventually trained him to be his crime-fighting sidekick. From the beginning, Robin was always Batman’s loyal partner, but he didn’t share Batman’s obsessive commitment to fighting crime (Batman is an unhealthy Type One). As Grayson matured, he held a slight grudge against Batman because “the Bat” never expressed any gratitude for Robin’s years of loyalty, but he also understood who Bruce Wayne was. Robin was nothing like his mentor. He was more compassionate and worked well in teams
Superman gives it all, sacrifices everything
The next character that I can pin as an obvious Type Two would be Superman. He’s the ultimate healthy, perfect character, isn’t he? He would not only help us save the planet, but he would also help you change your tire, save your pet cat, and not attach a single string to his generosity. Sounds a bit unreal, doesn’t it? It is! Technically, if Superman were a psychologically correct character, we could easily see him turning on humanity without kryptonite screwing with his brain. For all of his generosity and sacrifices that he made for the world, it’s rather incredible to think he holds no grudges against the human species. He’s literally a Jesus character.
THEIR FUNCTION IN LIFE
Without Twos, the world would be a very selfish place to live, filled to the brim with rude people who constantly shoulder check you when you’re walking to work. There would be no charities in this world and no generosities to go around: no churches, no doctors without borders, no red cross, no volunteers to help those in need. In other words, imagine a world without a savior – that would be a pretty dark place to live.
AVERAGE CHARACTERISTICS
Average personalities are walking contradictions. They are neither fully healthy or fully unhealthy. They are stuck in the middle.
In the case of the Average Type Two Helper, this personality is addicted to helping, to being useful, to being selfless – but at the same time, they have a habit of using their generosity as leverage when they are triggered – or, when they feel a need to gain an advantage.
For the most part, Average Type Two’s thoughtful acts are genuine. They truly want to be your loyal sidekick. They want to be that ultimate team player. They want the best for you and they want to help you get there. But when they are triggered, they break out their “guilt-trip-wild card” and use it to win every hand.
Average Twos tend to define people by their works and like to keep score. There is no universal agreement on how many points
Sometimes,
Terrell Owens sacrificed to gain leverage.
Terrell Owens, in my opinion, was an Unhealthy Type Two with a strong Three Wing during his career. He was your ultimate team player when he wasn’t triggered. He did everything The Eagles could ask for to get them to the Super Bowl. And he had the swagger and showmanship, which was typical of a Type Three. Unfortunately, he was also the chosen antagonist of the NFL. Sports journalists knew how to trigger Owens. They knew he would answer every question honestly, and that would lead to friction in the locker room, and more headline stories. He played right into their narrative.
The big problems between Owens and each team only surfaced when he was triggered. Aside from journalist playing him like a fiddle, Owens always felt underappreciated and underused by his team, but this feeling lingered back to his childhood years.
The business of the NFL, the agendas of some of his coaches, made for a perfect storm to deteriorate Owens to an Unhealthy Two. He ultimately used his used his performances as leverage to validate his histrionic behavior.
Like I mentioned before, Type Twos are very interesting characters. They can be your greatest ally, and then, they can be your worst enemy. It didn’t take much to trigger Terrel Owens. Or should I say – It didn’t take much for the press to manipulate him.
Now that Owens is out of the NFL, he is now a healthier version of the Type Two, and that’s great to see. He was incredible on The Apprentice, the ultimate Teammate, without any drama.
There is a very strong argument that Owens could also be a Type 6 Loyalist because of his abandonment issues. But throughout his life, Owens never was one to seek out groups, to find a rescuer. He never became part of a gang or a church to fill that hole.
THE TRIGGERS OF A TYPE TWO
The trigger line of Type Two goes straight to the Type Eight, so we can assume that the unhealthy personality traits of a Type Eight will get under the skin of a Type Two. So anyone who is self-absorbed, unappreciative, arrogant, selfish, would really cause the neck hairs of a Type Two to raise on end.
Let’s be honest. Anyone with those characteristics would be hard to along with. But Type Two’s in particular, would be the most agitated.
UNHEALTHY CHARACTERISTICS OF A TYPE TWO
As a quick reminder, there is a difference between a triggered personality and an unhealthy one.
A triggered personality may have unhealthy characteristics, but they are only temporary. A trip to the unhealthy zone may last a minute, an hour, or maybe a day. The keyword is that it’s a bad vacation and they’ll return home soon.
An unhealthy personality will sit and soak in their personal turmoil until they mature, become self-aware, and self-correct. This journey may take years.
An unhealthy Type Two Personality is at the end of its rope – or should I say strings. They’ve attached every string they could to every deed, kept score, and have out-leveraged, and outscored everyone. There is nothing anyone can do to pay them back for their generosity or sacrifice, so they no longer have to be helpful. Ironically, this once generous personality has become something they loathe: a selfish, self-absorbed, and over-demanding character. Friends and family may call out the Unhealthy Type Two for their selfish actions, only to be met with defensive rhetoric that sounds like “I’ve done so much for this company. I’ve worked so hard. I’ve sacrificed so much for this family.” If the Type Two deteriorates further, they can become retributive and punish those they’ve tried so desperately to help out.
GROWTH FOR A TYPE TWO
Growth for anyone, or any character, begins with self-realization of their super-ego. It’s pretty much like Alcoholics Anonymous, that person must admit they have a problem, identify it, and correct it.
For a Type Two to grow, they must take on the healthy characteristics of a Healthy Type Four Individualist. Healthy Fours accept people for who they are, who they want to be, as is. They’re open-minded. And they do all of this, without a scoreboard.
Two’s have a “spider-sense” to know what others need. So, they often expect others to also have that same “spider-sense.” But as we know, that’s not the case. Twos must never expect that others know that they need. They must develop better communication skills and express clearly what they expect from each relationship.
THE “IDEAL” HEALTHY TYPE TWO
Aside from taking on the healthy characteristics of
If you’re looking for a Healthy Type Two, look no further than Mother Theresa or Superman. Nick Foles, from what I can tell, is a very Healthy Type Two. The ultimate teammate, no strings attached, giving his all, winning the Super Bowl, becoming the Super Bowl MVP, then putting his feelings aside to sit on the bench, all for the greater part of the team. He is a direct contrast to the teammate that Terrel Owens was to the Eagles.
Nick Foles helps with no agenda.
Nick Foles also embodies the example of a healthy personality among all spectrums. Someone who is not consumed with fear, anger, and agendas. He lives in the present, plans for the future but doesn’t worry about it. Nick Foles doesn’t complain about the past either. He could have demanded to be the starter in Philadelphia and used his performance as leverage, but Foles put his personal agenda aside, more importantly, his ego, and became the team player.
GETTING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF – VERY COMMON FLAW
When Type Twos are healthy, they can often be blindsided by people who take advantage of their generosity. Twos are the compulsive givers and have hearts bigger than their own. When they give, they give 100%. It’s pretty easy to understand how and why they can get taken advantage of.
NOT VERY GOOD COMMUNICATORS
Twos have an uncanny ability to know what other people need. But they also expect you to know, or others, to know what they need. So they rarely express their wants clearly.
Being a great communicator is not natural for Type Two. They are not naturally charismatic people who can hold an audience with captivating stories. It’s not to say it’s not possible for them to do, it’s not just not natural. They are not introverts. There is just a guilt that lingers over them that makes them feel bad, as though they are asking too much from anyone. Twos prefer to communicate through their works and actions rather than words. Be patient when trying to communicate with them. They’ll open up eventually.
MISCHARACTERIZATIONS
It’s very hard to mischaracterize a healthy Type Two as they are quite obvious with their charity. They love to give, love to help, love to sacrifice, it’s just part of their DNA. They are compulsive, maybe even obsessive, with their generosity. And there is only one personality on the Enneagram like this.
Mischaracterizations for the Type Two are the most common when they are unhealthy or triggered. Those who are unlucky to be on the bad side of
Because Two’s deteriorate towards the Type Eight, they may look very similar. They both will seem very selfish, arrogant, and very combative. But there’s a handful of distinctive characteristics that separate themselves from each other.
- How they feel when they are slighted
- Type Twos – will feel unappreciated, especially if they feel they are constantly contributing more to a relationship
- Type Eights – will feel as though their strength or intelligence is insulted
- How they argue/communicate
- Type Twos – Will try to validate their bad behavior or position by listing their past generosities.
- Type Eights – Will be very combative in their statements, all aimed at breaking down others and building themselves up. Most narratives will revolve around strength, power, ability.
- How they retreat
- Type Twos – When they give up trying to make their case, they will retreat to boil in a pot of anger, with no intention of trying to resolve it. They tend to hold grudges. They tend to enjoy holding onto grudges.
- Type Eights – Retreating to a cave is a regular method for the Type Eight to let off some steam. This usually brings their temper down quite a bit. While they may disagree with your point of view, when they emerge from their cave, they won’t be as angry or even hold a grudge.
WORKING WITH A TYPE TWO HELPER
Working with a Healthy Type Two is amazing. They will be your loyal side-kick and possibly be the most dependable teammate. Working beyond what is expected comes naturally for them. Anything to get the job done, they will agree too.
Leadership doesn’t come naturally to a Type Two. For the most part, they are quite content being the silent partner and require no awards or accolades. Make sure you appreciate them somehow. That means a lot, especially if it means rewarding them with gifts after and during the task.
Problems sometimes manifest when
Steve Young
