OH, IT’S ANOTHER EPIC SCI-FI PIC
Why did the studios settle with the Writer’s Guild? It seems that union writers can only put out rehashed storylines. So here we go again. Once again – AGAIN, we have a visually stunning movie that’s about a young child, who holds the key to humanity. But in this story, The United States are the evil bad guys, and A.I.s are the victims (oh so original – this is just another version of Short Circuit). It’s basically the same story as Star Wars, Dune, and The Golden Child – even the Bible talks about a child saving all of humanity.
How do you write “The Creator?” Read the Bible, change the characters, add a few spaceships, steal ideas from the last movie you made, and you’ve got yourself your next big-budget movie.
The movie was written and directed by Gareth Edwards, the same dude who directed Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. That movie was one of the best Star Wars episodes of the Kathleen Kennedy era, but that’s not a very high bar. Let’s be honest with each other, while Rogue One was enjoyable, it was filled with holes big enough to drive a Mack Truck through. A good 2nd or 3rd draft would have fixed those problems, but nooooooooo…..this is modern day imagineering, brought to you by Disney, where things just have to be passable.
What was wrong with Rogue One? The holes. Well, let’s start with Galen Erso, Jyn Ero’s father. He created the Death Star’s superlaser, but designed it with a major flaw. If the rebel forces could somehow fire two proton torpedoes into an exhaust shaft that led to the reactor core, it would destroy the Death Star. You would think Galen Erso would have made this plan a bit easier – you know, a plan that wouldn’t require the use of a Jedi that wasn’t born yet, but what the hell – right? Should we talk about the video message he sent to the rebel forces, outlining his genius plan? Why didn’t he just send his genius plan, instead of the video? His plan is probably kilobytes in size. That video message is gigabytes large. So, since he didn’t send his actual plan, his daughter and her team had to get it. And they obtained the plan by breaching the data center, which literally had doors that would open and shut, that could cut your head off. I mean, who designs data centers like this? How does a custodian sweep the floor in there? Then Jyn Erso gets the plans, and now they have to transmit this data file up to their rebel spaceship – and that takes a while. Take in mind, that this file is probably kilobytes large, not even megabytes large. You would think this world figured out to send email attachments, but noooooooooo. They figured out lightspeed, and how to stop on a dime coming out of lightspeed (without slowing down first), and they haven’t figured out how to send an email attachment. And then, if things could get any more ludicrous. Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor run to the beach to die, but then you realize after the movie ends, that they actually ran past spaceships, and had more than enough time to get out of dodge.
Not sure why I reviewed Rogue One in the middle of this review, but it’s a good read, so I’m leaving it.
Those types of holes – litter The Creator.
I’m not going to list all of the holes in The Creator, but I will tell you a major plothole. In this movie, we are told A.I’s are incapable of ending life. Yet there they are…torturing and killing humans. I don’t get it. And, for a sci-fi movie, it doesn’t really explain the science at all. The movie is just a long chase scene through a visually stunning background.
Gareth Edwards (by the way, what type of name is Gareth?) needs to learn the art of WRITING MANY DRAFTS. He also needs to learn how to shower. I swear, how can anyone look like this? You get out of the shower, put on clothes, mess up your look, to make yourself like you just woke up. Who the hell does that? I mean, if you look like this as a press conference, you might as well show up after you hit the bar.
GRADE: C-
Steve Young
